SAVING COAL

war-on-coal

For the past severl years there has been a huge outcry about the federal government’s war on coal. More precisely that cry began at 12:01 p.m. January 20, 2009. In searching for images to post the one I chose is one of the few that would not be criticized as NSFW.

The rhetoric charging this has been noticeably more vitriolic and sensational here in West Virgina though even representatives of the coal industry have occiasionally let slip that other factors are more responsible for any decline in coal demand and production than anything emanating from D.C.

But I’m not here to argue that issue. What I am doing is offering a way to boost the demand for West Virginia coal, however temporarily, so that our state’s miners can be assured of an income filled Christmas season.

A great Christmas tradition is to warn little children that they will receive a lump of coal in their stockings if they have been naughty, instead of the goodies all the angelic little kiddies receive.

Let us instead deliver lumps of coal to the truly terrible children around the world who are invariably disguised as adults. I’ll give you some examples as to how this will work.

Hillary Clinton——Not necessarily her sole flaw but a lot of people consider her to be far too cozy with Wall Street bankers and the like. So to her we deliver a 500 pound bag of coal lumps, to be shared with the banker friends, likely to be used to fuel document burning fires.

Mike Huckabee——One lump of coal for each of his utterances that have belied his self–proclaimed Christianity. That could keep a dozen miners busy for weeks.

Walmart——A lump of coal for each underpaid employee or one who has been forced to work on Thanksgiving away from their family. The problem here is that Walmart will probably buy the coal more cheaply from China.

David A. Bowers——He’s the mayor of Roanoke, Virginia who issued a statement which has been interpreted by some as suggesting any Syrian refugees be held in detention camps such as were employed on our own Japanese-American citizens during World War II. He later walked that statement back, though this whole thing is so muddled that he may have simply called for the internment of Syrian refugees together with Japanese-Americans and members of the mainstream media who reported his original gaffe. I’d just as soon forget him but to Bowers for Christmas goes one 2 pound lump of coal which he can utilize to call meetings to order by hitting it with his gavel.

Vladimir Putin——Invader of Ukraine and idol of FOX News and fitness fanatics alike, will receive two large lumps of coal fashioned into ten pound dumbells which he can carry while riding his horse or used as handicaps to challenge him in his other physical activities (which challenge will undoubtedly be met. He is Vladimir Putin after all) And all this while displaying his wonderful pecs.

ISIS——Well known murderers, rapists, beheaders, and internet trollers deserving of the largest load of coal at all. The lumps they recieve will not be measured in pounds or tons but, as much as I abhor mountaintop mining, it may take the removal of one mountaintop chock full of coal to be delivered to ISIS…not in lumps but in one mass dropped from above.

Donald Trump——Where do I start? Does he merit a lump for each racist, xenophobic, misogynistic declaration? One for each unnamed source, the experts or producers of dubious or outright false claims he has made or advisers he has consulted? No, better to deliver lumps equal to the number of folks who have stated they will vote for him, each of whom deserves their own bituminous filled stocking. But we will use those lumps to replace the sand in the bunkers on his golf courses—one lump per each grain. Anything remaining will be shipped to the Board Room in Trump Tower. Thenre if he declares “You’re fired!” the coal will begin burning.

Bernie Sanders——Feeling the Bern won’t mean feeling the burn from coal. Sanders is no saint, yet his proposals for the country are spot on and achievable given the will to implement them So to Bernie goes a one ton pile of coal, but one that will be kept under pressure to change it into diamonds—with the assist of Superman, naturally. Once that occurs I’m betting we can trust Bernie to spread the wealth wherever needed.

Children——Are you kidding me? Kids have done nothing to be treated with lumps of coal. What they need and deserve in their stockings, even if they’ve never heard of Santa or Christmas, is to receive assurances they wil have food and shelter and most of all love so that they will not grow up becoming eligible for lumps of coal.

 

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Comments

  • Wayne Muller  On November 24, 2015 at 3:16 PM

    Funny post David.

    About Wal-Mart, they seem to come under special liberal angst, yet they pay the same wage that a lot of people pay, and while they are tough on small business, they seem to achieve that advantage lawfully. I noticed that it was their role in resisting unionization that seemed to coincide with the twisting of ideological panties…so…isn’t it true that a lot of employerers, paying similar wages, and perhaps even some Union employers, are scheduling employees for Thanksgiving work? Now I tend to share your disgust with that, but I don’t limit my dissapointment to Wal-Mart. Don’t the other employees rate a holiday at home as well? Why so selective?

    • Anonymous  On November 24, 2015 at 3:19 PM

      And, I might add, a giant lump of coal to the shoppers who patronize the business’ that open on Thanksgiving.

    • Devildog  On November 24, 2015 at 8:51 PM

      Wayne, this is just something liberals do-it enables them to feel morally superior. Besides the things you pointed out, doesn’t being open on Thanksgiving provide a benefit of some kind to the many thousands of people who shop there, many of whom are of the same socio-economic class as the workers. Also, though being non-Union, my guess is that Walmart pays a premium wage to those working on holidays. I don’t know the hours the workers are there but my guess is that they can adjust the time at work and home to be able to celebrate with their families.

      Why are you disgusted? Do you or UMOC know how many of the workers volunteer for one reason or another? I don’t! I hope you don’t want to go back to blue laws.

      • umoc193  On November 25, 2015 at 12:12 AM

        Since I have worked both Thanksgiving and Christmas, voluntarily so for my own personal reasons, I don’t doubt that many of Walmart’s or other retailers employees have no qualms about working. I know many employers pay time and a half or even double time to those working those two holidays and perhaps some others.

        I saw an article claiming Walmart does pay a higher hourly rate and provides a few perks such as employee discounts and a turkey dinner, but manipulates the hours so it is not as generous as they would have you believe. I don’t know if that article is accurate. But since Walmart in particular has lost more then one class action suit for failing to pay legally required overtime, doling out a few extra cents on Thanksgiving ain’t that big a deal.

        Another thing is that Walmart is notorious for scheduling according to its needs, not the needs of their employees, such as students being scheduled for shifts when they have an exam. But probably individual local managers may be more accommodating so long as they produce results and keep employee costs down.

        As to blue laws? Blue used to be my favorite color, but has not been for a very long time. I don’t advocate government action regarding store hours.

        It is also true that if the customers didn’t come, the stores would be less inclined to open.

        In a Facebook post commenting on a meme praising retailers not opening and kind of shaming shoppers who spend money on Thanksgiving I noted that there are many reasons why people may unavoidably need to purchase something from one of these stores that day. Being a shift worker yourself is one that immediately comes to mind. I admonished folks who do find themselves in that situation to be kind to the clerks there instead of being crabby to “the help” as so many people are wont to do. In fact that should be the practice year round.

        Happy Thanksgiving to all!

        • Devildog  On November 25, 2015 at 9:07 AM

          Well done! Happy Thanksgiving!

    • umoc193  On November 24, 2015 at 11:53 PM

      I try to keep my posts under 1 million words, believe it or not. If I were to list all whom I felt merited coal in their stockings, including businesses of varing ilk, I would not cease doing so until my body had decomposed enough that I could no longer type.

  • Wayne muller  On November 25, 2015 at 5:51 AM

    Good points from both of you. I had to work ( on call) a few years ago and so missed mostly all of my daughters visit ( home just a few days from the Army that year) so I know what it’s like to miss out. One of my other daughters works in a retail environment and I don’t think that everybody there is a volunteer. In my line of work the obligation was understandable, in hers, not so much. I am headed to the grocery store now because we make sure that we have all that we need so that we don’t have to shop tomorrow. in the grand scheme of things, people shopping tomorrow and the “Black Friday” nonsense aren’t my biggest gripes, they just bug me at the moment.My youngest is again home for the weekend from the Army and I’m not on call. My middle daughter will be home for Christmas. Life is good.

  • Little Minx  On November 26, 2015 at 1:07 AM

    Conveniently, Don Blankenship comes already equipped with his own coal.

  • Little Minx  On December 1, 2015 at 10:23 PM

    Lower even than Trump. There is not enough coal for this one:
    http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/iowa-state-sen-mark-chelgren-certain-immigrant-felons-should-be-n472491

  • Little_Minx  On December 18, 2015 at 2:15 PM

    UMOC, now you can make the dream come true!
    http://news.nationalgeographic.com/energy/2015/12/151218-real-coal-for-christmas-not-just-a-child-nightmare

  • Little_Minx  On December 31, 2015 at 10:15 AM

    Wishing UMOC good health and much happiness in the New Year. Keep on writing!

  • Little_Minx  On February 20, 2016 at 10:48 AM

    Recalling the aversion of some to social science research, I found it interesting that conservative Presidential candidate Cruz is employing profiling in order to learn about voters’ personality traits and behavior.
    “Ted Cruz Campaign Takes Voter Micro-Targeting To Next Level”:
    http://www.npr.org/2016/02/19/467395218/ted-cruz-campaign-takes-voter-micro-targeting-to-next-level

    “… Ted Cruz’s campaign wants to talk to you one-on-one. And to have a good one-on-one conversation, you need to know who you’re talking to. That’s why […] Cruz is spending millions working with a British company that claims it’s put together more than 4,000 data points on every single American voter – how often you vote, who your friends are and, most importantly for Cruz, what issues you’re interested in…”

    • Devildog  On February 20, 2016 at 5:43 PM

      Hi Minx. How are you? Why did you find this interesting? All candidates do something of the sort. I am still averse to social “science” studies. It would be a lot cheaper and just as valid to contemplate one’s navel to make profiling decisions.

      Are you feeling the Bern! Ciao!

      • Little_Minx  On February 20, 2016 at 10:19 PM

        Are you “Making America Great Again,” “Reigniting the Promise of America” or going for “A New American Century”?

        • Devildog  On February 20, 2016 at 10:29 PM

          I asked you first. I know whose theme is the first one but not sure who’s who on the other two. Guess I don’t pay close enough attention. As a keen observer of my past posts, can you guess?

          • Little_Minx  On February 20, 2016 at 11:17 PM

            The primaries are so late in PA (for me) and WV (for UMOC) that any Presidential choices may well be a moot point by then.

            • Devildog  On February 21, 2016 at 12:41 AM

              That’s why I asked you now.

              • Little_Minx  On February 21, 2016 at 12:14 PM

                Are you so wedded to a particular candidate that nothing s/he says (no matter how appalling) could dissuade you, nor anything that any other candidate says (no matter how strongly resonant for you) could change your choice?

                • Devildog  On February 21, 2016 at 12:31 PM

                  Why do you ask that? Why would you think so?

                  • Little_Minx  On February 21, 2016 at 1:51 PM

                    Some voters wait to decide until close to the primary date, in order to weigh as much evidence as possible re each candidate.

                    • Devildog  On February 21, 2016 at 3:39 PM

                      To my way of thinking, nothing that is said is evidence so I pay no attention to it, whether one might think of it positively or negatively. I prefer to look at one’s body of work. Which is not to say that if something of probative value comes up that I would not consider it. For example, a conviction or even a referral by the FBI.

                      Who do you think I prefer and why do you think that?

                    • Devildog  On February 23, 2016 at 3:46 PM

                      Minx, you can take this study to the bank. The Media, Diversity and Social Change Initiative at the University of Southern California’s Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism found, after a very exhaustive study, that the films and television produced by major media companies are “white-washed” and that an “epidemic of invisibility” runs top to bottom through the industry for women, minorities and LGBT people.

                      Did you know, Minx, that only a third of speaking characters were female, and only 28.3 percent were from minority groups, 10 percent less than the makeup of the U.S. population. Outrageous, no!

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