I confess I watch far too much Investigation Discovery but both my sister-in-law and daughter-in-law are also big fans and they are smart women so I don’t feel so bad.

One series I have not followed closely is “Most Evil“. On it three different cases are reviewed with profiles of killers and then the host (I believe some psychologist) picks the one who is “most evil”.

Couldn’t this series be turned into another sure fire viewer favorite competition a la American Idol or America’s Got Talent? The possibilities are endless.

The title to this new show comes trippingly off the tongue, America’s Got Serial Killers.

On American Idol the contestants perform a song of a different genre each week. On America’s Got Serial Killers that format can stay essentially the same but with the contestants each week displaying how they perform a different method of murder.

Week 1: The rivals can choose their firearms and take aim at unsuspecting targets. They are judged on accuracy as well as whether they are creative in how they surprise their victims. I can just envision a plethora of American Sniper imitators going for the elaborate emulating singers attempting to duplicate the vocal gymnastics of Mariah Carey.

Week 2: Manual strangulation is the test and extra points could be awarded, for instance, for borrowing a belt or scarf from an audience member. I just wonder if judge Randy Jackson will note, “hey dude, that woman’s scream was a little pitchy.”

Weeki 3: Poisoning is the focus with the judges looking for use of the most undetectable substance. There is, of course, the danger that one of the judges may keel over after imbibing from the huge cups of promotional Coca Cola they are provided.

Week 4: This will be a real test to see if the contestants can be successful without eliminating themselves with the explosives they are to employ. The producers of the show must be extremely careful in the selection process that a Muslim Jihadist is not on the show. It may end in Week 1.

Week 5: This is the ultimate in  terms both in being the finale when the champion is determined but also in potential viewer draw. It will be an All-American show to beat All-American shows.

Rather than the usual theme music the program will begin with the National Anthem being sung by a chorus consisting of all the past winners of all the singing competitions aired on any network. The auditorium will be draped with red white and blue bunting and American flags will grace the stage.

After a flyover by the U.S. Navy’s Blue Angels flight team (gonna have to be a BIG studio) an abbreviated Super Bowl will be played between the Patriots and the Redskins.

Following a commercial featuring products once manufactured in America but now imported from Indonesia, China, and Vietnam, the two remaining competitors will take center stage.

The contestant having drawn the most votes to date will have first choice of the remaining weapons. One will be a Predator Drone and the other will be a B-52 carrying a laser guided smart bomb.The lower rated contestant will then use his weapon first.

The goal here is to kill as many of the audience designated as terrorists/undesirable foreigners as possible with the least collateral deaths among the other spectators around them.

Of course this finale will take place on July The Fourth.

Emmy here we come.

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  • Little_Minx  On January 24, 2015 at 10:18 AM

    Reminds me of TV cook-off shows, too 😉 Maybe there’s an idea in that for cannibals?

  • Devildog  On January 24, 2015 at 6:53 PM

    Truly brilliant writing!

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