VOTE UMOC IN 2016

sealvote

 

Yes, I am running for President in 2016. There is no one better prepared than I. As demonstrated in this space for the past four years I am knowledgeable about everything. Furthermore I not only have the knowledge concerning all the important issues, I also have the solutions for them.

Bah on Hillary and Elizabeth and Joe.

Bah on Ted and Rand and Michele and Rick and Jeb.

A pox on all their houses.

My obvious wisdom is flavored with wit, amalgamated with compassion, annealed with life experience, and fortified through enduring the slings and arrows of outrageous comments by trolls.

Yet, my chief qualification is unarguable. My name is neither Clinton nor Bush.

Whatever proficiencies are possessed by potential candidates of those names they are tempered by the realization that we have already lived through regimes commanded by relatives of blood or marriage and we need to avoid the possibility of being forced to relive those years.

Now admittedly there are some negatives that my opponents and political enemies (including Fox News by default) will undoubtedly emphasize.

Dinesh D’Souza accused Barack Obama of being an”anti-colonialist”. I wear that label proudly. I share that view with men such as Jefferson, Franklin, Monroe, Adams, and some dude named Washington (no, not the character from Welcome Back Kotter). Sadly none of these men are willing to assist me in defending that view. Dammit, they all died on me!

I do have something in common with conservatives that should garner some support from the right. I very much believe in self-sufficiency and prefer the government have little or no role in people’s economic lives. So all those welfare queens can pretty much count on no longer feeding at the public trough. Take that Exxon and hedge fund managers and Halliburton and Israeli Military Industries, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I must be careful. Laying out too much of my precise plan of action too far ahead of time can be deleterious to one’s campaign. Suffice it to say every proposal I will put on the table will help bring the federal budget into balance, make the world safe for democracy, enable all Americans to live the dream, and eliminate nasty corns, calluses, bunions, and sore feet. (Uh, sorry, that last part comes from an old commercial.)

To avoid controversy the only percentages I cite will relate to MLB won-loss records.

Since I will defend Social Security with my dying breath I will eschew the Presidential pay of $400,000 a year and live off my benefits. I have no wife or minor children whom I can dispatch around the world at taxpayer expense. I don’t golf. I’ll end the silly practice of bringing championship sports teams to the White House. The members of the college teams could better spend their time in class. The members of the professional teams are paid more than the President. Why the hell should I have them as guests? They should be hosting at THEIR mansions.

In the meantime I better get cracking on organizing my campaign.

Any volunteers?

 

 

 

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Comments

  • toadsly  On July 25, 2014 at 9:22 AM

    I’d vote for you.

    • Little_Minx  On July 25, 2014 at 10:10 AM

      So would I!

  • Devildog  On July 26, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Hillary vs. UMOC? UMOC hands down!

    • Little_Minx  On July 26, 2014 at 8:57 PM

      Lemme see, that’s four votes (including UMOC hisself). Add Reg Henry and some other old Reg-ulators, throw in a goodly number of frat bros., and it’s starting to look like a veritable non-partisan grassroots groundswell.

  • Little_Minx  On July 26, 2014 at 8:54 PM

    Toadsly! Mr. Minx just read in tomorrow’s (!) Sunday P-G that “Doc Martin” is currently filming its 7th season 🙂 , although it won’t air here till Jan. 2016 😦 So presumably that means another year-and-a-half of reruns (I can think of worse things, esp. since I never saw the first two seasons).

  • Toadsly  On July 26, 2014 at 11:28 PM

    Yeah! I remembered tonight’s episode like it aired last week. Still, it’s better than most of the crap on other channels.

    • Little_Minx  On July 27, 2014 at 12:07 AM

      Did you know that Phyllida Law, the actress who played Mrs. McLynn, is — besides being a renowned British actress in her own right — the mother of Emma Thompson?

  • Toadsly  On July 27, 2014 at 3:39 AM

    Nope.

  • umoc193  On July 27, 2014 at 8:39 PM

    Thank you for your support. According to some conservatives with our votes counted many timesand if we recruit some of those kids at the border, I can win.

    • Devildog  On July 27, 2014 at 9:38 PM

      De nada!

    • Little_Minx  On July 29, 2014 at 1:58 PM

      We’ll need to vote early and vote often 😉

    • toadsly  On August 5, 2014 at 2:10 PM

      I’m surprised Bucknell made the Top 10.

      • Little_Minx  On August 6, 2014 at 11:11 PM

        Mr. Minx’ alma mater made the Top 10, but mine didn’t (even though I know they try hard):-(

  • Little_Minx  On August 15, 2014 at 2:49 PM

    For “Downton Abbey” aficionados:
    http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-28794870

  • Little_Minx  On August 20, 2014 at 8:49 PM

    TOURIST, I hope you’re stay dry and safe during the deluge. Saw terrible video
    of flood and mud damage at Hiroshima on NHK World tonight (Thursday AM your time), but gather that the whole nation (and then some) is getting drenched. Take care.

  • toadsly  On September 3, 2014 at 11:54 PM

    “Breathless” is possibly the worst “Masterpiece” presentation I’ve ever watched.

    • Anonymous  On September 4, 2014 at 9:49 AM

      Hmm!

    • Little_Minx  On September 6, 2014 at 11:38 PM

      Agreed, amphibian! It was planned as a multi-year series, but got canceled after the first season (a mercy-killing). The only good thing about it is that, alike many British series, the period costumes/hair/makeup are spot-on (I know this because I remember 1961 fashions).

      • Little_Minx  On September 6, 2014 at 11:44 PM

        Should read “like,” not “alike.”

  • Toadsly  On September 7, 2014 at 6:17 PM

    I was a caddy at a private country club in 1961, and the “swells” dressed and acted like the performers in this series.

    • Little_Minx  On September 8, 2014 at 1:46 PM

      Unlike on “Call the Midwife,” I find none of the characters on “Breathless” to be particularly sympathetic. Even Cheryl Campbell’s Lady Brown (Chummy’s snooty mother) was more likable at least at the end than her character of a doctor’s mother on this series.

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