I guess the unfortunate if not reprehensible practice of giving fruitcakes during the Christmas Holiday season is still alive and well. I myself have not received one of these doorstops in a number of years. Instead, my taste of (not)forbidden fruit is confined to the news items I run across.

The recent Presidential campaign saw a veritable hailstorm of such gifts pelting us severely and sending us to the piggy bank to withdraw sufficient funds to cover our insurance deductibles to repair the damage to our psyches.

But our latest batch of gifts seems almost a corroborative effort by the irritants that are remarkably resistant to applications of Gold Bond Medicated Powder—our never-say-die wingnuts.

Look what I had delivered to me by just one edition of

Just in time for our year end tax considerations we unwrap this gem wherein we learn that…among other things…our President aims to sell off the nation’s natural resources to secure himself a third, possibly a fourth term, by buying supporters (and presumably buying off opponents)

I  must say that I highly prefer this method to the blood-letting currently taking place in Syria. After all, our streets must retain the capacity to have blood running down them from our regular well-armed nutso rampages to be distinguishable from that produced by violent revolution.. We cannot build appropriate memorials otherwise.

But read that tale and you will see that its notions, warped as they are, are emanating in large part from folks whose idea of professional finacial advice is to lie their asses off in utter disdain of the SEC (no, not the football conference, the Securities Exchange Commission—watchdog for sound and honest investment practices. It is an old watchdog, though, with somewhat failing eyesight.)

But the anti-SEC rants are only a corollary to their overall notion that our entire government is illegal. Something about the entire Constitution being unconstitutional.

(Question…if the entire Constitution is invalid, how is it so repulsive for Obama to “violate” it to gain additional terms?)

I was a political science major and somehow this never came up in any of the sixty hours of courses I took. Damned WVU!

Our next brightly wrapped chunk of heavy indigestible matter comes discourtesy of the State of Arizona. Proud of its bright days, not so bright sheriffs, home of the hapless Cardinals of NFL infamy and Gila Bend, the site of the most miserable night of my brief but adventurous hitchhiking history, this land of Grand Canyons and not so grand politicians is where the powers that be must have suffered a collective sunstroke so harsh that their brains have become permanently fried.

Symptoms, please, Dr. UMOC? Well the latest one is evinced by the state’s Presidential electors and GOP chairman. Though Mitt Romney carried the state and is entitled to its 11 electoral votes, for some reasons these fine folks are STILL questioning Barack Obama’s birth certificate.

This idea is so batshit crazy that Governor Jan Brewer, taking a break from her strait jacket in her own special rubber room in the Statehouse, diagreed with them.

I tore the decorative paper from this last gift and saw the word “conscience” on the box. At the same time the “from” card read Todd Akin, he of “legitimate rape” fame so I knew the box was a joke and would contain anything but “conscience”.

Lo and behold we were both right, the fruitcake inside having nothing to do with a woman’s right to choose. On the other hand Mr. Akin’s vision of “conscience” is to sidestep the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) by amending the NDAA (National Defense Authorization Act) to institute a religious exception of “conscience” to permit discrimination against gay military members.

Never mind that no major problems with the open policy have been reported. Never mind that other matters of conscience are not allowed to be individually expressed in the military due to the desire to maintain good order. Never mind that Todd Akin is still in the running for the coveted cover spot on the annual Time Magazine Asshole of The Year Edition.

This son of a bitch was soundly defeated in his campaign for the Senate and will be soon exiting Congress. Is this a legacy we should allow anyone to leave?

Do these stories all feel like giant lumps of coal to you, too?

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