TOP TEN REASONS FOR ROMNEY’S DEFEAT

The recent Presidential campaign culminated in the re-election of Barack Obama over Mitt Romney.

In the ten ensuing days many reasons for the Romney defeat have been put forth by various Republicans or conservative pundits. Romney himself said that Obama in essence bribed those 47% slackers with free contraceptives and health care and Sony PlayStations for Christmas.

In Maine the state GOP chairman alleged that blacks materialized out of nowhere in rural areas to vote for the incumbent. Some people have cited purported registration anomalies in a few Ohio counties where voters outnumbered registrants, though an examination of the totals disproves this theory.

In Illinois some counties were remiss in meeting the deadline for mailing absentee ballots to members of the military serving overseas while in Cook County such ballots were hand delivered to the Cook County Jail for about 2600 inmates. Never mind that Cook County mailed all its ballots on time while one of the counties most delinquent in these mailings had a Republican as the county clerk responsible for such matters. (He himself was not on the ballot for the spring Republican primary because too many of the signatures on his nominating petitions were bogus.)

But, dear readers, with all this time on my hands I have conducted an intensive analysis of the election results and polling and I can now present to you the top ten reasons Romney did not win.

10.    Most of Romney’s supporters are gun owners and there was a huge sale on ammunition at Walmart with long lines.

 9.     Since the election was so close it was the equivalent of an NFL overtime game and Obama won the coin toss, took the ball and kicked a field goal without Romney ever having possession.

 8.    There were not enough parking spots for yachts at polling places.

 7.     The turnout of people who lost their jobs due to Bain Capital manipulation was 100%.

 6.    The Muppet vote in swing state Ohio was overwhelmingly for Obama.

 5.    Florida Governor Rick Scott actually allowed the polls to open on November 6.

 4.    No Republican has won the Presidency in a year in which the San Francisco/New York Giants have won the World Series (1905,1921,1922,1933,1954,2010,2012)

 3.    It was voter backlash from the vast majority of Americans who don’t like Meatloaf (the singer not the food).

 2.    Zoltar, the fortune telling machine that granted Josh his wish to be “BIG” was destroyed in Hurricane Sandy before Romney had an opportunity to make his wish to be President.

And the number 1 reason Romney lost the election.

HE SUCKS!

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Comments

  • ciejai  On November 17, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    Since the election, it’s clear that Republicans hate him and Democrats can’t stand him!

  • little_minx  On November 17, 2012 at 6:56 PM

    So it’s unanimous, CJ? LOL!

  • ciejai  On November 18, 2012 at 1:19 PM

    Dunno, minx, but the next couple of elections should be very interesting. What will the GOP do– double down on wing-nut stuff or moderate? When a party casts Richard Lugar out for Pete’s sake in favor of a mourlock, there’s a problem!

    • umoc193  On November 19, 2012 at 8:15 AM

      Meant to join the conversation sooner but I’ve been busy. It seems that every day since the election I get a package in the mail with a postmark from Kenya. Inside is always something gift-wrapped witha card that says “Thanks for the vote”.

      One day it was a gold-plated Medicare card, another an EBT card for SNAP worth $5000 a month and just Saturday a year’s supply of birth control pills.

      When I checked the Medicare card more closely in fine print it said “For level of care usually only available to Romney”.

      I went to Kroger’s with the SNAP card but it would only permit me to buy lobster, crab, shrimp, scallops and the highest quality cuts of meat.

      I would have discarded the birth control pills but, hearing rumors, I took some and my acne is gone!!

      Now to the real topic. Once Romney doubled down on his 47% with the gifts allegation, some of his backers repudiated him, like Jindal and Christie. Were they enablers prior to that, letting him go on his rants without a pre-election intervention?

      • little_minx  On November 20, 2012 at 12:01 AM

        Glad to hear about your acne cure! It’s tough being the oldest kid on the block with zits; I broke out at age 10 and am STILL waiting for my face to clear up, although at least I don’t have dry skin like most oldsters!

  • ciejai  On November 19, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    Funny, UMOC! We’re still waiting for our bag of weed.

    • umoc193  On November 19, 2012 at 5:12 PM

      Unfortunately that looks like something Obama will NOT be passing out.

  • ciejai  On November 19, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Seriously, I remember when the Falwell/Robertson forces packed our local GOP meeting in Norfolk and steamrolled their way to control. I thought “This won’t last.” That was 26 years ago.

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