Though I never acquired the Mr. T starter set, I feel perfectly qualified to use his famous catch phrase to speak about the biggest fool in Congress. I know. I know. How can anyone pick out the biggest fool of the 435 “serving” in Congress.

Well, just like my drill sergeants in basic training used to do, I will call for volunteers. If you’ve ever been in the military you learn both that you should never volunteer and that you may end up being that “volunteer” anyway because you drew attention to yourself.

So get ready, trainee, have we got a load of potatoes for you to peel!

Allen West (R-Fla.), step forward!

You have a big duty to fulfill, that of being the “Company” fool. Here is why I believe you are up to the task.

 “It’s much the same as Alexis de Tocqueville talked about in ‘Democracy In America’ — that this American republic will collapse once Congress and obviously our president realizes they can bribe the public by using the public’s treasury,”

Uh, Allen, Toqueville believed Americans had an enlightened regard for themselves that constantly prompts them to assist each other, and inclines them willingly to sacrifice a portion of their time and property to the welfare of the state. That does NOT describe the Tea Party.

“I believe there’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party who are members of the Communist Party,” Allen West said at a town hall. “It’s called the Congressional Progressive Caucus.”
Uh, Allen, this is not the way to win friends and influence people. Joe McCarthy never achieved more than 50% popularity in opinion polls and his political career ended in censure and physical and emotional decay. Hey! You got a head start!
“You want to talk about something that’s really racist?” West said at a Florida retirement home, referring to a 10 percent tax on tanning salons. “They have a tanning tax. I’m not tanning.”
Uh, Allen, tanning isn’t quite up there with riding in the back of the bus, lynchings and slavery. Get some perspective, man!
Mocking Rep. Bobby Rush (D-Ill.) for wearing a hoodie on the House floor, West said, “I’m thinking about a University of Tennessee big orange colored hoodie-footie, and, you know, see if I can sneak by the security and get in there.”
Uh, Allen. HUH?
“This is another example of the bureaucratic nanny-state not considering the economic ramifications of its insidious regulatory policies,” West said of a proposed regulation to make all public pools handicapped-accessible. “I have talked with and received letters from several South Florida hotels saying this is a wasteful exercise that will cost Florida businesses a lot of money and accomplish nothing.”
Uh, Allen, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) has been law since 1990, the swimming pool regulation gave ample notice to pool owners, the pool owners currently in compliance report frequent use by satisfied disabled customers, and a company in your home state is a major supplier of the needed lifts.
“Anyone challenging me on my support to this visionary plan to restore our economic security will be signing up for a suicide mission,” West wrote on his Facebook about the Ryan budget. “My recommendation to any detractors, read Proverbs 17:28 and heed its advice. It is time for those who understand how to govern, not demagogue.”
Uh, Allen, that Proverbs verse looks like it was written just for you.
West credited the possibility of a Republican winning the 2012 election for helping improve the stock market. “I would think maybe the markets are looking five to six months down the road when we have a change in leadership in this country,”
Uh, Allen, your knowledge of how the stock market works is even more deficient than my knowledge of particle physics.
West wrote on his Facebook that Barack Obama should stop talking about the killing of Osama Bin Laden. “Please stop with the Osama Bin Laden line, U.S. Navy SEALS double-tapped that rascal,” he wrote.
Uh, Allen, the “double-tapping” of Bin Laden took place when Obama was President, with him authorizing the mission.
“The Democratic appetite for ever-increasing redistributionary handouts is in fact the most insidious form of slavery remaining in the world today, and it does not promote economic freedom,” West said in a speech.
Uh, Allen, the only wealth redistribution going on is in the direction of the already wealthy, you know, the class that were the slave owners.
“Take your message of equality of achievement, take your message of economic dependency, take your message of enslaving the entrepreneurial will and spirit of the American people somewhere else,” West said, referring to Democratic leaders. “You can take it to Europe, you can take it to the bottom of the sea, you can take it to the North Pole, but get the hell out of the United States of America.”
Uh, Allen, this “love it or leave it” attitude was trite and meaningless in the 60’s when it first became common, and nearly fifty years has not changed that fact.
“If Joseph Goebbels was around, he’d be very proud of the Democrat Party, because they have an incredible propaganda machine,” West said in a speech.
Uh, Allen, Goebbels was a Nazi and the Nazis and the communists hated each other and you called the Democrats communists. My poor head is spinning.
“I’m here as the modern day Harriet Tubman to kind of lead people on the Underground Railroad away from that plantation into a sense of sensibility,” West said while making an analogy in which he also compared black leaders like Reps. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) and Barbara Lee (D-Calif.) to a “plantation boss.”
Uh, Allen, I have read about Harriet Tubman, I know how she suffered as a slave, was beaten as a slave, escaped slavery, and at great danger to herself and others led other slaves to freedom. You, sir, are no Harriet Tubman.
Allen West! You are the Fool On The Hill! Congratulations!
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