JEREMY LIN VS THE KARDASHIANS

Jeremy Lin has become a phenomenon within the NBA. He must be, since I have heard of him and I do not follow the NBA at all. He is not just on ESPN’s Sports Center (I presume, as I don’t watch it) but on cable and network news shows and even gets highlighted on the real news, The Daily Show.

Now comes speculation that one of the Kardashians will soon be dating him. Why? Well apparently members of this family have a penchant for dating, marrying, and making sex videos with professional athletes. It began with the mother who married Olympics hero Bruce Kardashian.

It is my understanding that there are several offspring of this or other marriages or entanglements. One alleged father shall remain nameless but he is currently in the process of imterviewing his roommates in “The Big House” to find the real killer.

Inexplicably some of the Kardashians have their own unreality series on TV. Having seen pictures I can assure you the young ladies are photogenic enough, but unless you have a wide screen television their butts will obscure most everything else.

As is common in some families the children share the same first initial, in this case K. They are, in no particular order, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Klutz, Ku, Klux, and Klan, the last three born in the South.

Now we come to the tabloid speculation  that one of them (I cannot distinguish between them) will date the young phenom Jeremy Lin. That would be lincredible. It would be amasian.

But would that be fair to other young women who would just love to meet and love a professional athlete whom they could marry with all the normal benefits that marriage carries (conservative Republican approval) and the more special  benefits due to the athlete’s elevated station in life?

Those would be a high income, celebrity status, quality drugs, and potentially record child support payments when the inevitable divorce occurs.

But I believe these certified members of the 1% are attempting to monopolize the already limited market for marrying/shacking up with professional athletes. That is totally unfair to the 99% of  young money and fame grubbing women who gauge their own value by the Q ratings of the athletes they could snag, but have simply been unable to meet them.

I have a solution to propose. I suggest a simple government requirement that big city arenas be rented out and the athletes summoned to appear for mandatory ten minute dates with aspiring groupies.

This will serve a dual purpose as an ecomonic stimulant as those public facilities receive much needed rental and concessions income, justifying the tax dollars used to construct them.

In addition, as most of the athletes will have to travel for these appearances, the money spent on plane tickets, hotel accommodations, rented limos,  food, drink, cocaine, and $1000 bottles of champagne (available at Giant Eagle for $14.99) for them and their entourages will boost local economies everywhere. Even the poorest stripper with the smallest fake tits is likely to have a huge jump in earnings.

Too, this need not be limited to single athletes. As they are famous for juggling marriages and multiple mistresses, even the married ones can select several young lovelies to play games with. Think of the boost to the self-esteem of thousands of young women upon being selected.

Of course that might mean a number of lonely young men with extremely bright futures lose wives or girlfriends in the process. (Computer geeks already know the suffering of a woman-less existence.)

My question is, is this a proper function of our government? We can always require the ladies to under go a transvaginal ultrsound in order to qualify. That should satisfy the right wingers.

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