POLITICAL KINDERGARTEN

Ever get fed up with the ways of many of our prominent politicians? You know, how they bicker back and forth while ignoring the lessons they have been taught and all the admonitions to “play well together”?

If you’re an Early Childhood Education specialist, surely you can see  traits of these politicians that are shared with kindergartners. You know, selfishness, fibbing, temper tantrums, bossiness or even bullying, cheap gossiping—well, you get the picture. Examples of these types are readily identifiable.

You have prissy little Mitt, after long anticipation,  finally getting the opportunity to address the class, to deny some alleged misbehavior. After all, when he played doctor he  never forced any other kids to play doctor with him, like that bad boy Barack did.

Just as he opens his mouth little Sarah pops breathlessly in, stealing poor Mitt’s spotlight while she says oh he’s just as bad as Barack and both should be banned from the class.

Meanwhile, John and Mitch, good friends of Paul, are trying to coerce all the other kids to play with  Paul even though few of the kids really like the same games as Paul. John and Mitch tell the others there will be no money for field trips if they fail to go along.

Ask Newt what happens when you don’t go along with what Paul wants.

Mike, the once pudgy toddler who still looks like he wants to eat everything in sight, just sits in a corner making nasty remarks about his classmates but still standing apart from them.

Nancy and Harry are often ostracized because they always want the teacher to make new rules to control everyone. Nancy can be found pouting when, even though Barack is her friend, he ignores her while actually doing what she wanted done in the first place.

Barack is the smartest kid in the room by far but sometimes talks down to his peers. The trouble then isn’t that this condescension is resented, but that none of the kids who sit on the right side of the room can understand what the hell he is talking about.

When Barack first came to the class he was not only shunned but some of the kids thought he was from a strange strange land far away. But little kids have a poor sense of distance so it turns out he simply resided in an adjoining neighborhood which he proved by showing his bus pass.

Then, last winter, when some other kids got into a little squabble that could have involved the neighborhood, Barack hurled a bunch of snowballs into their yard trying to get them to stop. Oh all the kids sitting on the right side of the class didn’t like that, even though George, who was kicked out of school, had once spread rumors that relatives of those kids had snowballs of their own and he had a buch of ruffian friends of his go into their yard and beat them up. No snowballs were found.

Barack’s best buddy in school is Joe, a slightly older kid who can talk about anything but will become completely mesmerized by trains.

The prissy kid in the corner is Donald, never to be found in jeans and sneakers and his hair always in place, even if the species of the source of the hair is unknown to modern day zoologists. He keeps printing his name on any surfaces he can reach.

The other day Sarah and Donald ate lunch together, barely having time to chew and swallow since neither shut up the entire time, producing a cacaphony that seemed overwhelming but Donald managed to unflappably eat his carrot sticks and cupcake with a fork.

To the disappointment of Herman, Donald wouldn’t try the pizza he had brought from home. But then again, Herman always has trouble getting his classmates to pay attention to him even if teacher frequently praises him.

Jon is new to the class but he’s considered an outsider because, instead of playing with all the kids on the right side of the room that he used to know, he helped Barack make friends with some Chinese kids from another neighborhood who had been accused of stealing all the marbles from the school and replacing them with cheaper ones coated in lead.

Everyone likes Timmy but he’s always the last one picked for any games. No hate or disrepect but they simply forget he is there. Tim does try to gain notice by denying all things he has been seen doing.

Michelle is pretty annoying. Whenever the teacher asks questions about lessons the class has had, Michelle wildly waves her hand until she’s permitted to answer then always, I mean ALWAYS, answers incorrectly.

Wonderfully, autistic children are mainstreamed into the school with excellent results. Rudy, one such child, has learned to socialize well (with three little girlfriends—the little devil). But he broke all the radio-controlled police cars and fire trucks and now he’ll occasionally just sit in the corner and mutter “nine eleven” over and over.

There is one former student who visits periodically. That’s Bill who inevitably tells all why the school was so much better when he was there.

Now it’s June and Kindergarten will soon be ending for the summer. I wonder if any of the kids will show more maturity in the fall. You think there’s a chance in hell?

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Comments

  • Deke  On June 3, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Great,I love it. Thanks UMOC.

  • Deke  On June 5, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    UMOC I hope you don’t mind I posted a few graphs of your article on the Randi Rhodes message board with a link back to your fine article. Here is the link to my post:

    http://forum.therandirhodesshow.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&p=83871&sid=af91722ddc17759e5e310b83be57830c

  • Deke  On June 7, 2011 at 6:42 AM

    UMOC wrote:Barack is the smartest kid in the room by far but sometimes talks down to his peers. The trouble then isn’t that this condescension is resented, but that none of the kids who sit on the right side of the room can understand what the hell he is talking about.

    I know several people who would disagree with this graph. They all say he does not talk down to peers. One said that was what Hillary Clinton claimed.

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