THE GLORY OF HUNTING

I have friends who are hunters and I love the taste of venison. Yet, I’ve never hunted myself. I really have no desire to, but I don’t object to others doing it.

There are those, however, who oppose hunting and wonder why we are so barbarous in our treatment of wildlife. One letter writer to the Post-Gazette, noting the deer hunting rationale of thinning the herd to forestall starvation, was offended and disgustingly asked what if the same rationale was applied to starving humans?

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Thinning the herd of humans just like we do deer ain’t that bad an idea. Now of course you can’t be sure the deer you are shooting is actually starving so you can’t limit your human targets that way either. In fact, I imagine hunting the obese (obviously not starving) makes more sense.

One reason is that the meat will be more marbled and thus tastier, though naturally raising cholesterol levels. So there will be a campaign to limit consumption. But, hey, if it was good enough for the Donner Party it’s good enough for the rest of us.

Another reason is to remove the unsightly from our ranks. After all, why should we tolerate having to view those who do not meet the appearance standards of the Real Housewives of Wexford, Pa.? 

Of course the obese will be easier targets since they move more slowly. I admit, though, that the starving are poorer and more apt to vote with the Democrats. But just think, wouldn’t this be a wonderful way to get the Republicans to want to take a larger interest in the great outdoors and help recycle that NRA money they receive in bulk? 

You may need some added regulations. No hunting within 200 yards of a McDonalds for instance. And for those same housewives, your blaze orange must be color coordinated with the rest of your outfit and flannel is prohibited.

And think about this. Sarah Palin, who already snipes at her critics, could now take dead aim at them instead. Just imagine the ratings for THAT reality show!

Being a tad overweight myself, I suppose I’ll have to take some precautions and use camouflage when I wander outside later today in Pittsburgh. Do you believe I’d be safe dressed as a penguin?

 

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