POLE DANCING SUPREME

         I know that in popular culture over the past several years many woman have taken up pole dancing both as a form of fitness and possibly a little extra added enticement for their male significant others whatever their marital status.

         Now I have discovered that international competition in pole dancing is held with various divisions and awards just as in many sports. See this article:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/A/AS_JAPAN_POLE_DANCE_DREAMS?SITE=PAPIT&SECTION=NATIONAL&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

              There is even a suggestion that backers may seek to have the competition in the Olympics. Given pole dancing’s origins in seedy, dark men’s clubs performed by young women “working their way thorugh college” ,  several thoughts occur as to what the event would entail.               

            Will the competitors be be fully clothed? Or will they start out clothed and gradually peel down to very skimpy lingerie or even total nudity? After all, the original Greek games had all nude participants.

             Will each “athlete” be required to include a lap dance in their routine? If so, will that dance be done in front of everyone or in a VIP room with $100 a bottle of faux champagne? Will the lap dance be judged on both creativity and artistic effect? I can imagine here the phrase “artistic effect” taking on an entirely new meaning. And if an element were rhythmic as in rhythmic gymnastics, that could prove to be a sticky situation.

                Will tipping be permitted? I understand that in the best traditions Olympics athletes are to be pure amateurs, but the reality is that professionals have been allowed to participate in basketball, hockey, tennis and other sports and many other athletes are subsidized by national federations. I suppose the entrants can try to pick up extra funds at their home clubs prior to departure for the games, but income in many of those dives is not very reliable. (Do not ask me how I would know this!   I told you  DO NOT ASK!)

               While security at the Games is usually centered on possible terrorist acts, what happens if some young lady, in the middle of her routine, is confronted by her husband or boyfriend leaping onstage, grabbing her by her hair and dragging her off while shrieking “Did you forget you have three children at home and how do you think this looks to my boss, the Parish priest!!”

               Once a champion is crowned I can just see all the rumors arising about what she did to garner the judges’ highest scores. Just the thought turns one’s cheeks pink with embarrassment and the reality could possible relegate the ice skating scandals with the French judges to the footnotes of Olympics history. (Though come to think of it, Frenching  judges may be, in fact, the reason for the scandal).

              Is there a chance for team pole dancing to be an event? During the lap dancing part then it would be appropriate for the accompanying music to be Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Whole Lotta Shakin Goin On”.

              Just as gymnastics had Olga Korbut as an eye-opening ascendent star and Bob Beamon’s long jump in the ’68 games was so far above the previous record, so too may one day a pole dancer put on the preformance of a lifetime so as to cause the judges to rise as one in appreciation.

            I’m preparing my bid for the TV rights as we speak.

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