THANKSGIVING IN OTHER PEOPLE’S WORDS

               For the life of me I’ve been trying to come up with a pithy and witty Thanksgiving day post that would be entertaining and controversy free. But my feeble brain has produced nothing. But while eating my Thanksgiving steak, inspiration struck. Why not use my lack of imagination and inherent laziness to my advantage?  According to the review of Sarah Palin’s new book I read this morning it worked for her and she had a ghost writer. Apparently her book in many ways is a cut and paste job, taking excerpts from other works, properly attributed, and using them to express her ideas.

              We live in a world of soundbites, parts of speeches and remarks taken out of context to feed the needs of the electronic media in 15 second snippets. So as I am in the market to beg borrow or steal material, using both well-known and obscure quotations to fill this space means I will be completing my Black Friday shopping hours before the hordes descend on their favorite Target or Walmart.

Here goes whatever.

PATRIOTISM

A nation is a society united by a delusion about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbours.
William Ralph Inge

Can anything be stupider than that a man has the right to kill me because he lives on the other side of a river and his ruler has a quarrel with mine, though I have not quarrelled with him?
Blaise Pascal

Each nation feels superior to other nations. That breeds patriotism – and wars.
Dale Carnegie

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin

SPORTS

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce

As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.
Ben Hogan

Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?
Jim Bouton

INTELLIGENCE

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.
Dolly Parton

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Mark Twain

I can’t tell you if genius is hereditary, because heaven has granted me no offspring.
James Whistler

DEATH

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
W. Somerset Maugham

Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly.
Elbert Hubbard

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
Clarence Darrow

MOVIES

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Alfred Hitchcock

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.
Clint Eastwood

Film spectators are quiet vampires.
Jim Morrison

MARRIAGE

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
W. Somerset Maugham

 Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
Sydney J. Harris

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.
Henny Youngman

RELIGION

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei

I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
Khalil Gibran

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mohandas Gandhi

GOVERNMENT

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Will Rogers

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
P. J. O’Rourke

Majority rule only works if you’re also considering individual rights. Because you can’t have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
Larry Flynt

TECHNOLOGY

Do you realize if it weren’t for Edison we’d be watching TV by candlelight?
Al Boliska

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Dave Barry

The march of science and technology does not imply growing intellectual complexity in the lives of most people. It often means the opposite.
Thomas Sowell

WORK

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.
Sam Ewing

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost

When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
Calvin Coolidge

EDUCATION

Education is a better safeguard of liberty than a standing army.
Edward Everett

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That’s what I call a liberal education.
Tallulah Bankhead

Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
Malcolm Forbes

ANGER

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain

Get mad, then get over it.
Colin Powell

MUSIC

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
Kin Hubbard

I’ve said that playing the blues is like having to be black twice. Stevie Ray Vaughan missed on both counts, but I never noticed.
B. B. King

Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.
Plato

HISTORY

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.
Lyndon B. Johnson

Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.
Louis D. Brandeis

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Napoleon Bonaparte

BUSINESS

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
Laurence J. Peter

As a small businessperson, you have no greater leverage than the truth.
John Greenleaf Whittier

Business, that’s easily defined – it’s other people’s money.
Peter Drucker

SOCIETY

Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
George Bernard Shaw

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
Bill Vaughan

The human race’s prospects of survival were considerably better when we were defenceless against tigers than they are today when we have become defenceless against ourselves.
Arnold J. Toynbee

FORGIVENESS

Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

God will forgive me. It’s his job.
Heinrich Heine

It’s far easier to forgive an enemy after you’ve got even with him.
Olin Miller

WAR

I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
George McGovern

It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.
Voltaire

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
David Friedman

                I hope I’ve provided food for thought or laughs for your turkey day dessert. Now for your after dinner mint, several offerings from one of America’s finest philosophers:

Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.

Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.

Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money

Not to be cheered by praise, not to be grieved by blame, but to know thoroughly one’s own virtues or powers are the characteristics of an excellent man

Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.

 
Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching.

Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.

Satchel Paige

*All quotations from BrainyQuote.com

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