THE EXORCIST

       Sorry, this isn’t about the great, scary first edition of the movie franchise nor it’s lame successors. Rather it’s about a new jobs plan which, while directly involving the Catholic Church, should be heartily endorsed by the Obama administration. The reasons for this shall become clear.

                  I just became aware of this jobs program from a story online this morning. It seems the U.S. Catholic Bishops have recognized a shortage among American clerics of priests qualified to conduct an exorcism. Apparently the ritual itself is not difficult to learn but the ability to discern when an exorcism is actually called for is hard to develop. Thus, for instance, one priest-exorcist receives about 400 requests a year for an exorcism but usually finds no more than two or three meritorious cases. For the entire story:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40151974/ns/us_news/?gt1=43001

              Of course an exorcism is performed when a person becomes possessed by Satan. That person displays  an evocation of pure evil. There actually lurks evil in the hearts of men that not even The Shadow knows of.

               Why does there appear to be growth in the need for exorcism? At this conference which is providing training and ends today in Baltimore, one of the organizers advances several theories including that many Americans have become highly invested in spirituality without necessarily expressing that spirituality within the confines of an organized religion.

                  Now, you ask, why would Obama find all this of interest sufficient enough to provide the resources of the federal government to promote and enhance this jobs growth? Besides of course, that it fits his socialist/communist, America destroying agenda.

                  Well, look at the evil he has had to face and attempt to combat since he took office. His birth has been questioned. He’s been accused of consorting with terrorists. He’s been accused of being both a Communist AND a Nazi, something neither Hitler nor Stalin had to deal with. He’s been charged with taking over health care with the government by requiring and providing the means for uninsured Americans to procure PRIVATE insurance.

             Then there’s the revelation of his secret life as a community organizer in which he undoubtedly was plotting the overthrow of democracy itself. Obama’s been accused of creating an army of mindlessly obedient rubber stampers with the sole purpose of benefitting the office supply industry, annually ranked among the top million political contributors. And he was even charged with belatedly, by years, paying parking tickets incurred when he was in college. OH THE HORROR. Has he no sense of decency?

            But how do we know that his detractors are inhabited by Satan rather than merely pschologically disturbed, Officer Krupke? That is part of the evaluation process when determining if an exorcism is warranted. Here is the pertinent part from this morning’s story:

                      “Signs of demonic possession accepted by the church include violent reaction to holy water or anything holy, speaking in a language the possessed person doesn’t know and abnormal displays of strength.”

                      Now let’s apply those standards to a prominent representative of the detractors cited above, say….Sarah Palin. Does she fit this profile? Is she possessed? Hmmmmmmmm.

                     Does she exhibit a violent reaction to holy water? I have no evidence she has done so, but consider this. She likens herself to a mama grizzly bear. According to Wikipedia:

“…Grizzlies are normally solitary active animals, but in coastal areas the grizzly congregates alongside streams, lakes, rivers, and ponds during the salmon spawn. Every other year, females (sows) produce one to four young (commonly two) which are small and weigh only about 500 grams (one pound). A sow is protective of her offspring and will attack if she thinks she or her cubs are threatened…”

                Now grizzlies are around water, indeed try to catch spawning salmon in water. But of the types of bodies of water cited do you see anywhere a reference to a font of Holy water? I think not.

                (As an aside, note that mama grizzlies are sows. Female pigs are sows. So why was Obama’s comment during the 2008 campaign that ” you can put lipstick on a pig…” taken as an insult to Palin when she, a hockey mom herself, declared the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull was “lipstick”?)

                 Second, does she speak in a language she doesn’t know. Have you ever heard her deliver a speech in English? No more need be said on that.

                  Third, has she displayed  abnormal strength? Well, politicians are often deemed strong or weak based on poll numbers of their popularity. Those numbers can indicate how much support they can expect when promoting legislation or policies, thus their “strength” Palin’s poll numbers are inexplicably, abnormally, high, a certain display of abnormal strength. I mean such poll numbers in the face of a stream of inanities, simplistic and jingoistic slogans, and incomprehensible rhetoric assuredly cannot be normal.

               So, President Obama, please ensure funding for the job sector covering exorcists. Who knows, I may even apply for training to become an exorcist myself. If so I will volunteer my services for the Palin exorcism and do it so expediciously it will make her head spin.

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Comments

  • 204  On November 13, 2010 at 1:10 PM

    Some real morsels of gold here. Love it!
    Kinda reminded me, didn’t her Pastor have something to do with killing witches in Africa or something?

    • umoc193  On November 13, 2010 at 1:17 PM

      Thanks for the good word. This post almost wrote itself once I got started. Not sure about her pastor. I try not to delve too much into Palin. But I doubt my shallowness will ever match hers.

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