TWITTER MY URL

          I am no technophobe. Neither am I a technogeek ( and, please, no comments using only the third syllable as a pejorative, I know who you are and where your computer is.) I do confess to being somewhat slow on the uptake on fully incorporating all possible functions into my computer surfdom, which many users treat as a serfdom.

           Part of me just shudders when I encounter a term or phrase that, although I’ve heard it before, I now actually have to deal with to get where I want to be or access the information I need. I do have some reference sources available included in my “favorites”. But there are so many seemingly arbitrary words or expressions applied to processes or functions that I am convinced that the socially challenged devisors of such have merely created a nerd language only they can truly understand, just like the 43 year old virgins who speak Klingon fluently.

            Just look at my title. Twitter has become extremely popular the past couple years as folks report, in 140 characters or less, the size, color and texture of their bowel movements. If not literally so, that is the effect of their blatherings to their most intimate friends, often numbering in the millions. I’m sorry, one could be confined to a hellish place many times the size of the Black Hole of Calcutta and just as overcrowded and not have that many intimate friends, forced or voluntary.

               The practitioners of twitter or twittering or twitting should be viewed as, to paraphrase Spiro Agnew, nattering nabobs of nincompoopism. Now I’ve always known “twitter” as talking in a chattering fashion or trembling with agitation. And a twit was a numbskull or mentally defective person (as a put down, not as a descrptive for the truly mentally challenged). So since twitterites do kind of chatter and those with more common sense tremble with agitation when around twitterers or twits, twitter may indeed be the perfect appellation for the activity.

          URL of course is essentially the web address for a particular site. I do not know what those letters are an abberevation or acronym for, but I do question whether, in determining one’s URL, a trip to the URoLogist is required. If so, what a pisser.

           I presume Facebook is fairly descriptive but is MySpace, a similar endeavor, still around? I’ve had plenty of girlfriends who demanded of me “Give me my space” which seems rather counterproductive to being a social networking site.

         IPS, from what I’ve learned, means internet protocol shit which makes the techies feel at once both superior and cool.

         RSS feed, though I’ve read many explanations, remains a mystery. What the heck is an RSS, any relation to an ASS? , and why does it need fed. Is there a certain schedule to be adhered to for the best digestive results? Is everything nutritious? Organic? Farmbred? Available only at specialty stores? Better with hot sauce?

           Here on my blog I have access, apparently, to many widgets. Thank god. I took several economics courses where the hypothetical companies were producing widgets by the ton and I never saw a one of them nor knew where they were shipped, though I could relate all the costs associated with their manufacture and the profit per piece, er widget. But hell! That was over forty years ago. Have they been in storage all this time? And who was forwardthinking enough to realize they would have such utility on the internet? Al Gore hadn’t even invented the internet yet. We had internecine, international but no internet. I really need to visit Dr. Saulbach, my econ prof at W & J, or leave a message for him with St. Peter, and thank him for his prescience.

          You would think login and logout would be fairly self-descriptive. But instead my mind flashes back to when I owned a home with a fireplace and a conversation with my wife could go something like this. “David, my dearest darling honeybunch, it’ll be chilly this evening but log out.” I’d promise to replenish the supply and later, as we prepared to get cozy, she would ask, “Log in?” (Oh, yeah, sometimes that wasn’t about the fireplace.)

             Hell, I’m writing a blog. Look at blog itself. I grew up with slog, lots of deep snow, nine miles to school, uphill each way. And I’ve definitely known clog as in ,”Mrs. Hammond, your twit of a son tried to flush a large bar of soap down the toilet and created a huge clog. That will be $300.” (Hell, I was five years old and had a scientifically inquisitive mind!! And it was 99 and 44/100% pure.) Or last year when Dr. O’Keefe told me, “You’ve got a clog the size of the Loch Ness Monster in three of your arteries. Your wife was correct about the effect of eating all those hot dogs.” ( By the way, I ate lunch at a hot dog joint on my way home.)

       But BLOG? Short for Web Log? Shouldn’t it be WELG? Or WLOG? ( my favorite top forty station of all time) I mean you took the WE out of Web Log? What ever happened to teamwork? There’s no I in Blog.

       Ok, links is pretty easy. You provide a URL for a link to another web site for the reader to access  more information. But are there links from the URL to diseases of the kidneys? Or is it sausage links? (DAMN, my heart just skipped a beat like there’s something blocking the blood.) Or goodness gracious, I’ve read that Jack Nicklaus prefers links courses. I do, too, especially the breakfast bar at Eat ‘N Park with both links and patties as well as bacon, and that comes in strips, not links, why is that part of the pig discriminated against?

            I’ve gotten used to using tags so the reader, at a glance, may know some of the territory covered. But does that tag mean I’m it? Or are my readers it? Or is just one reader it but the designation is passed to the next reader viewing the tag(s)? And who removes the tags at the checkout counter before leaving the store? Is that my responsibility? But what if I’m not around at checkout. Geez, I’ve got a life you know. (And quit snickering!!!)

           Speaking of Facebook, why are all these people writing on my wall? Don’t I have a right to privacy? And isn’t grafitti illegal? Although I do see from most of the postings that Pink Floyd was spot on lamenting the educational system in “The Wall”. But how did they know about that thirty years ago? Did they talk to Dr. Saulbach?

             Maybe, just maybe, all these computer nerds consulted with Al Gore over time. Wouldn’t that have been a convenient truth?

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Comments

  • Betsy  On September 23, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    Being in accounting, I also was introduced to widgets in class more than 30 years ago. And I am embarrassed to admit , I used them in my own classes. However, thanks to a remarkable Irish student I once had, the great widget mystery has been solved. Widgets are the little plastic balls inside a can of Guinness. I believe they are included to make the adult beverage foam correctly. Who knew? And, more importantly, who cares?

  • umoc193  On September 23, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    I thought your Irish student might be pulling your leg, but indeed in th FAQ on Guinness own web site that explanation is given. Kinda spoils the air of mystery, though, don’t you think?

  • david padvorac  On September 23, 2010 at 8:28 PM

    Great words–all so true, too. What a convenient truth that’d be eh..heck, so convenient you could sell it for 99 cents per morsel and put McDonalds out of business in a week flat.

  • Betsy  On September 24, 2010 at 8:48 AM

    No, actually using widgets for college students and then telling them what they are grabs their attention!

    • umoc193  On September 24, 2010 at 11:37 AM

      No, telling them there is a connection to beer gets their attention. If widgets were what the pea inside a whistle was called, that would be ho-hum. I bet a lot went out and bought some Guinness to find proof.

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