You Be The Judge

Below you will find two products of my imagination I circulated by email to a number of friends and acquaintances. The first fulminated from my brain the Monday morning after the health care reform legislation passed Congress. I had received a number of emails from someof these people expressing outrage at health care reform proposals and calling Obama a socialist or even a communist. Along with all the lies or at least mis-information being propagated by FoxNews and a certain segment of conservatism, all of this served to create an almost hysteric but irrational fear of a communist takeover of our government. So I mockingly created this satire.

I also sent my product to a number of friends who, knowing me for at least thirty-five years, and presumedly aware of my often warped sense of humor, and also probably more attuned to my political views, I assumed would get the joke and either find this hilarious or at least amusing enough to react with a grin.

Boy was I wrong. The recipients who I knew were polically opposed generally resisted responding. The few who did made terse comments of only a sentence. But several who I considered to be liberal and with whom I may have discussed some of the issues involved, responded like I was off my rocker! (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The second writing, purportedly a letter to the editor in my local paper, I wrote after reading a news article talking about the government profit from the TARP bailout, was sent a few days later. One of my conservative friends wrote back that he wished to receive no more email from me. I smoothed that over, I hope, by reminding him I had received a lot of stuff from him which I either responded to in refutation or simply ignored. As he had not even commented as to what upset him, I suggested we forego political opinions in future contacts and concentrate our relationship on our commonalities.

Again, a couple of my liberal friends wrote back, strangely taking offense. In both instances I pointed out to them the obvious satirical nature of my writing. There were even some inside jokes in both that were blatant clues to my intent.

Now I understand others may not find me as amusing in print as I imagine myself to be, but I am interested in knowing how others feel as to whether the satire comes through. After all, SNL is not always funny but you know it is meant as satire.

If your comment contains an argument against health care reform or other Obama policies, please make it on the basis of proveable facts, not all the bold-face lies so prevalent in opposition rhetoric. I do appreciate feedback.

Whereas Congress has now passed Obamacare and
Whereas The Politburo for the USA has now been activated   and
Whereas  A fair notice to the American people is required under Communist Party by-law 16-(e)-425A, subsection d(1)
Therefore let it be known that the following orders will be effective 1April2010 at 10:37 A.M. GMT
1.    All tax revenues received after that date shall be
       allocated to ACORN for redistribution based on need
       and the principles of SOCIAL JUSTICE.
2.    All pregnant women will be required to report to the
       nearest abortion clinic for examination and D&C.
       Exception shall be made for any woman presenting
         signed, notarized statement from their unborn child
       that said child agrees to be born and immediately
       surrendered to the Local Collective Committee for
       assignment to the village best deemed by the
       Regional Czar to raise the child.
3.    The SECRET POLICE will immediately confiscate all
        weapons, fire arms, hunting rifles, military gear or
        other offensive materials, provided that, any citizen
        able to submit certified records that any of said
        objects have been used within the past ninety(90)
        days to protect said citizen’s home or family AND
        that there is a proveable necessity to again use said
        objects for said DEFENSE within the next ninety(90)
        days, provided that the person against said objects
        will be used has not been heretofore approved by
        ACORN for redistribution of wealth. Anyone who
        demands such surrender shall be obeyed without
        requirement of identification. It IS the SECRET
4.     All automobiles and other motor vehicles shall be
        taken to ACORN approved service stations for
        conversion to a fuel system burning only gasoline
        refined from Kenyan oil.
5.     All bankers paid more than $1 million in fiscal 2009
        shall be arrested, by extraordinary rendition if
        necessary, and transported to Guantanamo Bay for
        treatment and re-education. Enhanced interrogation
        techniques may be used under the direction of Liz
        Cheney and re-education classes administered by
        the Havana, Cuba office of ACORN, Raul Castro,
6.     The 2010 Census will be conducted by PMTAH (Pimp
        my teen age Hos) a subsidiary of ACORN. The
        following questions must be answered:
           What is your name?
             Where do you live?
           What is your income?
           How many people live with you?
           Who did you vote for in the past three elections?
           Where would you prefer to be re-located?
           How many abortions have you not had?
           If over 65, will you voluntarily die or wait for the
           decision of your Death Panel?
      All data acquired will be used solely to re-draw
      Congressional Districts so no new district has a
      Majority of Republicans. (That party has indicated
      a desire to not participate in vital national policy.)
      Said data shall be further used at the discretion of
      the Politburo.
7.      All FoxNews stations and divisions will be
         transferred to the Office of GLFAS (Gays and
         Lesbians For Abortion and Sodomy). Fox employees
         O’Reilly, Hannity, Huckabee will join bankers at
         Guantanamo, Beck will be relocated to work in a
         gold mine at an undisclosed location.
8.      The Department of Justice shall henceforth be the
         Department of Social Justice headed by the
         Attorney Generalissimo. The AG will immediately
         commence prosecution of John Yoo, Karl Rove, Dick
         Cheney, Condaleeza Rice, George W. Bush and
         Paul Wolfowitz for war crimes, crimes against
         humanity, war profiteering and torture of humans
         and English language pronunciation and syntax.
9.      All American armed forces shall be immediately
         withdrawn from Iraq and Afghanistan. A full pardon
         shall be granted the international humanitarian,
         Osama bin Laden, with the further award of the
         noon -three p.m. time slot on talk radio, replacing
         Rush Limbaugh, re-assigned to be a disc jockey at
         the lowest-rated AM radio station in Pittsburgh,
         from whence he came.
10.    All other orders may be promulgated from time to
         time as may be deemed essential to effectuate our
11.    All persons found in violation of these orders may
         be immediately subject to Obamacare death panels
         even if they have not yet attained the minimum
         age of sixty-five(65) when they are automatically
 12.    This date, March 22, 2010, shall be hereafter
          designated FOUNDERS’ DAY and observed each
          year with special recognition given the chief
          architect of Obamacare, Dr. Grabow.
                SET UNDER MY HAND THIS 22ND DAY OF
                                     Social Justice CZAR
                                      THE COMU


This is copy of letter in local newspaper, but topic is of more than just local interest.Please forward it to as many people as possible and ask them to do the same. And then be sure to write/call/email your Senators and Representatives to plead with them to act quickly to prevent a travesty to our ideals from taking place.
I just read that Citibank, which received bailout funds through the TARP program, has more than quadrupled its stock price in just over a year. Our federal government, which provided $8 billion and took an ownership stake in the company, now owns shares valued at about $33 billion. AND IT’S PLANNING ON SELLING THESE SHARES TO OTHER PRIVATE COMPANIES AND POCKETING THE PROFIT.
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!! Such action is contrary to all our socialist principles and ideals and sets an extremely bad precedent for our hopes of a complete socialist takeover of our government!
Lenin must be rolling over in his grave. In fact, there have been early eyewitness reports from Moscow claiming to have seen this happen at The Kremlin.
The Imperialist, capitalistic lackeys on Wall Street must not be allowed to buy these shares and gain even more filthy profits enabling them to trundle on the tender, trembling torsos of our esteemed Proletariat!! We elected Obama to increase the government’s wise role in running our lives, not to take the money and run as the capitalist pigs do. This is inimitable to our very reason for being.
The consequences of our failing to prevent this action by our so-called Socialist President (a turncoat on the order of Benedict Arnold) will probably include the reconglomeration of Standard Oil and eventually issuing
crosses of gold.
                           STOP THIS NOW
W.J. Bryan

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  • Lawson  On April 9, 2010 at 1:22 AM

    Some might find the abortion comments in bad taste. Some may be put off by the thought of Osama Bin Laden as a humanitarian. I was personally offended by being reminded that Rush Limbagh is from Pittsburgh.

    • umoc193  On April 9, 2010 at 1:26 AM

      Thanks for reading. I just thought the passages you cite were so outrageous that people would know it was satire. And really I was hoping to provoke the conservatives I sent it to. Not a peep from them. And Rush is from Missouri but passed through the Burgh on his way to greater glory.

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